Zim vs Dib Showdown!
by OhHowDelightfullyDreadful
Summary: Zim and Dib have an argument over whether humans or irkens are superior. Of course, this can only be settled with a contest. We finish this with brooms -Wait, what?


Today was a rather nice day. The sun shined on healthy green plants and birds could be heard singing their merry tunes. This was the type of day that Ms. Bitter's class was allowed outside for gym class. They lined up on the cool, green grass and listened as the obese teacher expained to them what they would be doing.

"Today we will learn about the heat of compitition and how far we should go to win. The best way to do that is for you to expirience the pain of losing and the glory of winning. That's why we will be playing football. Does anyone know how to play?"

The children murmered among themselves before turning their attention back to the teacher and shaking their heads. This caused the teacher to become very frustrated with them and their ignorance. He shot a glare in their general direction and began pacing in front of them like some sort of army general.

"The rules are simple," he began. "If you have the ball, take it to the other end of the field. If you don't have the ball, _get it_. The object of the game is to win." Children whispered to each other again. This time they nodded ther heads.

"Good. Now separate into two even teams and don't take more than three minutes," The teacher commanded.

With that, fouth graders started yelling and screaming and arguing over who would be on what team. The only child sensible enough not to care was Dib, a big-headed junior paranormal investigator. He stood out from the other kids mostly because of his professional outlook on things, which could easily be reflected in his fashion sense. He wore a black trench coat over a blue T-shirt and had an extention from his black hair in the shape of a scythe. Altogether, he looked like some kind of chibi action hero standing on the edge of the cowd as not to particapate in the chaos.

Dib's eyes were fixed on a boy who was taking a very active part of the whole argument. His name was Zim. He stood out atleast nine times as much as Dib did. The first thing that you would notice about the kid was that he was green. GREEN! They second thing that you would notice is that he had niether nose nor ears.

Any normal kid would immediately assume that he was some poor deformed kid with a skin condition, but Dib knew excactly what he was. Zim was an alien-a mighty Irken invader bent on conquering Earth. Unfortunatly for Dib, no one believed him. Everyone thought he was crazy and annoying, so it was up to Dib to defend Earth from the alien menace alone. Dib and Zim's constant fights and clashes had caused a powerful rivalry to form between them. They had learned to hate each other like cats hate dogs. (Zim being the dog, of course)

The tiny Irken still had not finished arguing over what team he should be on. The team he wanted to be on didn't want him, and the team that he didn't want to be on wanted him very much. This frustrated Zim to such an extent that he raised his arms and screamed at them until he shattered thier eardrums. The children then agreed that Zim could be on any team that he chose.

Well after three minutes, everyone had settled on teams. Both Zim and Dib were relieved that they were playing against each other rather then with each other. One can only imagine the horrors that would have taken place had it been otherwise. The seperate teams lined up on oppisite sides of the field waiting for the teacher to do someting.

Dib turned his head around to see who was on his team. Nerds and geeks, mostly. He also saw Keef at one point, but he decided to pretend he hadn't. Zim on the other hand, had ended up on the good team, which meant that in was composed of generaly athletic, and popular kids. Zim wasn't very popular, but it was true that he was more athletic then anyone Dib knew- not including himself, of course. If Zim had some friends, he probably wouldn't have needed to put so much effort into making a spot for himself on the team.

The gym teacher waddled to the edge of the field with a football under his arm. He faced Dib's team and pointed a finger at them.

"I hereby officially name you guys the...uh... Blue Team," he said. He then pointed the same pudgy finger at Zim's team.

"And you guys can be, uh, um... the Red Team."

With that, he threw the ball into the air, blowing his whistle and ran off before things got wild. And wild it got. The game that the fourth graders were playing, clearly wasn't football. They fought for the ball like a pack of rabid wolves, and when they had it, they made a mad dash for the other side of the field. As you can probably guess, this wasn't getting anybody anywhere. The savage chaos was too much for Zim. The crazy children attacked each other with deadly intentions. Zim did a double take when he thought he saw Keef with a knife. Thankfully for everyone, it was only a comb... it still hurt though.

"Red Team!" Zim hollered, "get the ball and huddle up!" The Red Team, curious to see what Zim had to say, yanked the ball away from the Blue Team and huddled around him. Dib was naturally suspicious and tried to spy on the meeting, but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

"This isn't gonna work," Zim stated, "We need to work as a team to pull this off." The Red Team appeared to be completely entranced by Zim's plan, nodding to show thier agreement. The Blue Team occationaly tried to pry the ball away the ball away from them, but they couldn't get it out of the grip of the entire Red Team.

"If you can tell you are about to be killed, throw the ball to someone who is closer to the other side of the field then you are," Zim cammanded, swatting a nerd's hand away from the ball.

"YEAH!" The Red Team agreed.

"We will destroy them!"

"YEAH!"

"Especially Dib!"

"YEAH!"

"And then we will fill his empty head with salted nuts!"

"YEAH! SALTED NUTS!"

With that rather unusual exclaimation, the Red Team dispersed from one another ready to win the game. One of them, Torque Smacky, had the ball. Dib, who could care less about the game, ran up to Zim.

"I don't know what you did to those kids or how much closer it gets you to conquering Earth, Zim, but I'll stop you at every turn!" He proclaimed. This puzzled Zim.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said truthfully. Dib gave him a hard glare.

"I know where you live," he said. He sounded life-and -death serious, and it creeped Zim out-a lot. Apparently it showed on his face, because Dib smirked at him and jogged away, leaving poor Zim in confusion.

"Look alive Zim!" Someone on the Red Team shouted. Zim looked in the direction of the voice only to see a football flying strait towards him. He jumped and caught it in midair before landing and bolting for the other side of the field. Blue team members pounced from all directions, trying to knock Zim over and snatch the ball away, but he was too quick for that. The tiny Irken dodged every attack, leaping over short guys and ducking under tall ones. As an added bonus, he even got to kick Dib in the stomach! Red Team cheered as Zim crossed the border line, throwing his fists in the air and shouting his victory. Dib just stared and shook his head in annoyance.

The previous little spectacle repeated itself over and over again in the game. They rest of the Red Team would work to get the ball and keep it from the Blue Team, and Zim would always take it to the other sides to score the point. Dib tried to organize his team like Zim had, but he didn't have the same aura of command. They just wouldn't agree on anything!

It's probably why the Red Team won the game twenty-one points to nothing. Zim stood in his victory pose, shoulders squared, fists on his hips.

"Ha! Did anyone-besides Dib-notice that I was the only one who could make it to the other side of the field? If I were a member of some alien race, this would clearly be yet another chance for me to exert my superiority over you! Filthy humans! You owe your victory to Zim! Praise me! PRAISE MEEEE!" He ranted. The children who had been on the Red Team smiled and complemented Zim on how fast and agile he was. They weren't even mad at him for saying all that stuff!

"Oh come on!" Dib whined, "No normal kid can move like that! He's an alien, can't you see? An alien!" This earned Dib several glares from his classmates.

"You're just jealous because Zim is so much better then you," a popular girl, Zita accused.

"The pathetic human female is right, Dib! I'm better then you in every way, shape, and form!" Zim agreed, smiling evilly.

"Oh, we'll just see about that, Zim!" Dib challanged, "I'll meet you at your house after school to prove that humans are better then Irkens!" Zim rolled his eyes.

"Pfft, then I'll _beat _you at four o'clock. Until then, have fun knowing that you have been defeated at the Zimmy hands of ZIIIIIIIIIM!" he gloated, marching away towards the "skool" building with his new human admirers.

"You're crazy!" One of them shouted back at Dib. There went his "good mood"

*page break :)*

Hours later, Dib found himself walking down the road to Zim's culdesac. It was a sweet little group of houses with pleasantly green grass and cute little flower beds. The good weather made it seem even nicer.

The only disturbence was a skinny green house at the very end of the culdesac. the entire design of the freakish home appeared as if it had been drawn by a five year old. The windows and door were oddly shaped and were an unusual shade of purple. Bug-eyed lawn gnomes stood at attention as if guarding some kind of secret. The entire house could be classified as scary, and the longer Dib looked at it, the scarier it got.

Dib was used to it by now. He had tried to break into this house so many times, it was painful to keep track of them all. He was careful to stay far away from the lawn gnomes as he made his way across Zim's yard. After ringing the well-hidden doorbell, Dib waited. The door swung outward rather then inward as Dib was expecting, cuasing him to be hit in the head when Zim emerged.

"So sorry," Zim said sarcastically. Dib glared and recomposed himself.

"Do you remember our little agreement, Zim?"

"Obviously, since my memory is far superior to that of a human." Dib sighed as he grew more, and more frustrated. He had just got here, and Zim was aleady getting to him.

"What do we do first?" Dib asked. He was just eager to get this over with.

"Eh, you challanged me to this pointless contest, not the other way around. You have to come up with something!" Zim shouted.

"Yeah... guess I should have thought about that huh?"

"Yes. Yes, you should have." Dib stuck his toung out at the Irken before glancing around the yard . His eyes fell upon a large rock big enough that should be hard to lift, but not so big that it was impossible. Dib geussed he could lift it.

"There," he said, pointing at it. "Whoever can lift that rock wins this round." Zim glanced at the rock that Dib was talking about and let an evil grin spread across his face.

"Yes, this will be a good oppertunity for me to show off my incredible strength," he reasoned, "You go first." Dib was had the urge to say something mean, but he shrugged it off and wandered over to the boulder. His hands searched its rough surface for a good place to grip before he pulled with all his might. Do you remember when I said that he guessed he could lift it? News flash- he guessed wrong. Dib couldn't even move the blasted thing!

"Ugh... I can't," He admitted.

"Ah ha!" Zim jeered. "Weak, pathetic human! Let me show you real strength!"

With that, Zim marched Hitler style towards the rock and pulled on it hard. The poor little green munchkin couldn't lift it either. Not even a budge.

"You and your big mouth," Dib gloated.

"Silence. You couldn't lift if either. What do we do next?" Zim grumbled. He didn't appear to like the contest very much either.

"Um, a staring contest?" Dib suggested. Zim looked at him like he was crazy (and he is) before answering.

"That is the most unoriginal thing that I've heard you say all day, and you've said some pretty unoriginal things." Dib did a pouty lip thing and put his hands on his hips.

"Do you wanna find out who's superior of not?" he asked. Zim smirked at him.

"I don't need to because I already know. I just need to prove it. If this is the way to do it, then so be it. BEGIN THE STARING!" And with that, the Irken widened his eyes and stared intently at Dib, who stared back, though not as hard.

"Wow, Zim. And you thought I was creepy."

"Shush."

Dib didn't know how long he and Zim had been staring at eachother, but it was getting awkward... for Dib atleast. He was beginning to squirm and his eyes stung like heck. Zim's were still wide open and showing no sign of getting tired soon. Dib couldn't help himself. He blinked to make the unsufferable stinging stop, and he knew Zim had seen him.

"Ah ha!" he shouted loudly enough to make Dib's ears ring, "I win the contest! Irkens are better then humans! Bow before the might of Invader Zim, Earth-pig!" Dib, eyes still closed, crossed his arms.

"The contest has to have three parts, Zim. It's not done yet." he explained. Zim's triumphant smile disappeared.

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Uh, huh."

"Nuh, huh."

"I refuse to believe that it's not over," Zim continued to argue. Dib growled and punched the head off of a lawn gnome out of pure frustration.

"I can't believe how immature you are! The contest isn't over!" He shouted. He immediatly regretted it, however, when he saw the look on Zim's face.

"How dare you? You come here to move a rock and stare at me- I was tired of you after that! But now you've vandalized my property and called me immature? Get out of here, Dib. You're not welcome anymore," the elite Irken soldier threatened.

"No. I'm not done yet."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"You are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Nuh, huh."

"uh, huh."

"No, I'm not leaving until you realize that humans are better then Irkens," Dib said firmly, stamping his foot like a girl for emphasis.

"Fine," Zim said angrily, "stay here, I have to go get something." With that the angry midget went inside. If Dib had known any better, he would have ran like heck, but he didn't. Zim came back about one minute later-

-and he had a broom.

Zim raised the broom above his head like some kind of weapon as he approached the human.

"Hey, Zim, what are you doing with that?" Dib asked, although he already had a pretty good idea. He never got an answer. He just felt somethin hit him on the head with a loud CRACK.

"OW!" Dib exclaimed.

"Get," Zim said deliberately.

CRACK!

"Out!"

CRACK!

"Of!"

CRACK!

"My!"

CRACK!

"Yard!"

Dib ran as fast as his little legs would carry him out to the road and away from the enraged invader.

CRACK!

Why was Zim still following him?

CRACK!

"Not cool!" Dib shouted.

CRACK!

"YOW!"

CRACK!

"Leave me alone!"

CRACK!

"Be more gentle with that broom!"

CRACK!

"Quit it!"

CRACK!

"Where's Bully Control when you need it?"

CRACK!

"MOMMA!"

Dib had tears in his eyes by the time he scrambled into his yard. He turned around when he got to his porch to ensure he wasn't being followed any longer. Thankfully, he wasn't, but he looked just in time to see Zim shoot him a death glare before he stormed off.

"You jerk!" Dib shouted after him. And that's all she wrote. No, seriously, that's all I wrote. The End.


End file.
